Beware: Deception up ahead
I must begin with the same introduction as per the last few postings, my sincerest apologies for hardly posting at all over the past few months. To be honest, the whole blogging novelty has worn off very fast and I seriously had no intention of posting anything at all. A few days ago I was speaking to a very dear friend of mine and we were speaking about something very serious, I said very freely “why don’t I put it on my blog so at least three people will read it” and she said that she would want me to on condition that I keep her identity secret. By the way I don’t just haphazardly write anything anyone would like me to write on-I might just run the risk of actually adding value to this space on the net.
This is a story-no, not story, reality-of a woman betrayed, lied to and quite honestly hurt in a way that I pray is unfathomable to anyone reading this. With tears in my eyes and a hope to change many dismal future realities of wonderful loving women I convey this truth about a woman I love and adore greatly.
My friend (whom I shall call Joan for anonymity) is a beautiful, outgoing, loving, sensitive and outspoken (sometimes waaaaay too outspoken) woman. I’m not going to delve into any particulars about her studies or anything like that as it might well affect her anonymity. Joan was dating what seemed to be a decent guy and her studies were going well and her life as a whole seemed headed in a good direction. One evening, not too long ago, she and her boyfriend had sex. This was the only man Joan had ever slept with. They had intercourse a few times over the period of about a year, not on a very frequent or regular basis though. A few days after one time Joan had had sex, she found that she had much itching and other symptoms that led her to believe she had contracted an STD. After consultation with a doctor, it was found that she had Trichomoniasis, an STD. That was easily treated. She did inform her partner of this and he began acting a bit strange and defensive and only admitted to once having oral sex with another woman, he insisted this only happened once and although the situation was certainly not as uncomplicated as I make it sound, that was the crux of what happened. Their relationship continued pretty much in the same way for a few months later and she eventually decided (after a bit of pressure from certain people) to have herself tested for HIV. She did and the results showed that she was HIV positive.
She confronted her partner about this and to this day he refuses to accept the truth. It was also discovered after some “investigation” that he has had sex on more than one occasion with prostitutes. He moved overseas two months ago and pretty much disappeared off the face of the earth. We have informed his family about this and are trying to make some contact with him, Joan still asks for just some closure and more importantly, who else has he done this to.
Joan still asks questions as to why she didn’t leave him earlier when she found she had an STD, why she stuck with him when he became distant and more importantly how could someone she trusted so deeply betray her. The signs were undoubtedly staring her in the face-in fact I remember telling her that on more than one occasion, how could she let herself get so used?
The reality is we often deny the blatant facts ourselves as a way of holding on to some fairy-tale like life. Another sad reality that has been my want to write this is that Joan is not unique-maybe her exact situation is unique-but her reality is faced by far too many people.
Now I’m not going to go on a whole religious rampage of what is right and wrong, I’m not going to take some moral high road of righteousness or anything of that sort. I am not even going to distort this reality with any opinions or morals. You decide what this means to you. Joan did ask me to quote her somewhere near the end though: “It isn’t your fault you were deceived-that is beyond you-it is the fault of the person that deceived you-unless of-course you deceived yourself.”
I thank you Joan for everything you have taught me these past few months and for all the inspiration and motivation you have given me. How you can have a happier
outlook on life than me is utterly unbelievable. I thank you for taking the starting steps in sharing your story, and yes I do look forward to the book :) hopefully you can help many people in desperate need of your support.