Rebra's page

This is just my little take on the world, it just feels so good to let loose with my ideas, thoughts and well-whatever! i appologise for poor spelling, still figuring out the spell check on this thing - all the views expressed below are my own!

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Beware: Deception up ahead

Peace be upon you.

I must begin with the same introduction as per the last few postings, my sincerest apologies for hardly posting at all over the past few months. To be honest, the whole blogging novelty has worn off very fast and I seriously had no intention of posting anything at all. A few days ago I was speaking to a very dear friend of mine and we were speaking about something very serious, I said very freely “why don’t I put it on my blog so at least three people will read it” and she said that she would want me to on condition that I keep her identity secret. By the way I don’t just haphazardly write anything anyone would like me to write on-I might just run the risk of actually adding value to this space on the net.

This is a story-no, not story, reality-of a woman betrayed, lied to and quite honestly hurt in a way that I pray is unfathomable to anyone reading this. With tears in my eyes and a hope to change many dismal future realities of wonderful loving women I convey this truth about a woman I love and adore greatly.

My friend (whom I shall call Joan for anonymity) is a beautiful, outgoing, loving, sensitive and outspoken (sometimes waaaaay too outspoken) woman. I’m not going to delve into any particulars about her studies or anything like that as it might well affect her anonymity. Joan was dating what seemed to be a decent guy and her studies were going well and her life as a whole seemed headed in a good direction. One evening, not too long ago, she and her boyfriend had sex. This was the only man Joan had ever slept with. They had intercourse a few times over the period of about a year, not on a very frequent or regular basis though. A few days after one time Joan had had sex, she found that she had much itching and other symptoms that led her to believe she had contracted an STD. After consultation with a doctor, it was found that she had Trichomoniasis, an STD. That was easily treated. She did inform her partner of this and he began acting a bit strange and defensive and only admitted to once having oral sex with another woman, he insisted this only happened once and although the situation was certainly not as uncomplicated as I make it sound, that was the crux of what happened. Their relationship continued pretty much in the same way for a few months later and she eventually decided (after a bit of pressure from certain people) to have herself tested for HIV. She did and the results showed that she was HIV positive.

She confronted her partner about this and to this day he refuses to accept the truth. It was also discovered after some “investigation” that he has had sex on more than one occasion with prostitutes. He moved overseas two months ago and pretty much disappeared off the face of the earth. We have informed his family about this and are trying to make some contact with him, Joan still asks for just some closure and more importantly, who else has he done this to.

Joan still asks questions as to why she didn’t leave him earlier when she found she had an STD, why she stuck with him when he became distant and more importantly how could someone she trusted so deeply betray her. The signs were undoubtedly staring her in the face-in fact I remember telling her that on more than one occasion, how could she let herself get so used?

The reality is we often deny the blatant facts ourselves as a way of holding on to some fairy-tale like life. Another sad reality that has been my want to write this is that Joan is not unique-maybe her exact situation is unique-but her reality is faced by far too many people.

Now I’m not going to go on a whole religious rampage of what is right and wrong, I’m not going to take some moral high road of righteousness or anything of that sort. I am not even going to distort this reality with any opinions or morals. You decide what this means to you. Joan did ask me to quote her somewhere near the end though: “It isn’t your fault you were deceived-that is beyond you-it is the fault of the person that deceived you-unless of-course you deceived yourself.”

I thank you Joan for everything you have taught me these past few months and for all the inspiration and motivation you have given me. How you can have a happier
outlook on life than me is utterly unbelievable. I thank you for taking the starting steps in sharing your story, and yes I do look forward to the book :) hopefully you can help many people in desperate need of your support.


  • At 3:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    very interesting piece, i think that you right that it is becoming too commonplace for things like this to happen. We live in a scary world and there are people so inhumane that words like disgusting, abhorrent execrable and incorrigible are of no use describe them.
    On DR Phil yesterday, they were talking bout the people in aruba near mexico who make young girls sex slaves and there was a story of a girl who was made a sex slave from the age of nine. when she was in her late teens, they killed her by means of putting a nail in her head but that was not the end of it, while they were killing her, they were doing it with her.And it was in that state that she had died. The big question is, even though we know about this what do we do to help other people, sometimes it could be our younger siblings or friends or family that we know of, no one is safe these days.

  • At 4:28 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    This is a tragic story. For me, what is sad is the amount of trust Joan had for her partner, who later betrayed her in the worse possible way. It describes me. It describes my friends, my siblings, my extended family. I think it is a reminder that we need to be vigilant about the people we let close to us, without being totally un-trusting.
    We need to look for signs early in a relationship. Signs of a breach of trust, etc that may prevent such consequences.
    But thats easier said than done, I guess.
    Joan and Riyaadh, thank you for sharing this with us.

  • At 12:17 AM, Blogger Bilal said…

    Very sad, but something that i understand is very common! A general change of mindset is needed to stop this happening to other people...
    R- Tanx for sharing!
    J- Have strenght!

  • At 5:53 AM, Blogger The K-man said…

    I agree the mindset of people should definately change but this can only happen with education to prevent ignorance on this subject.

    Nice post!

  • At 12:16 AM, Blogger saaleha said…

    Our prayers are with J.

  • At 4:51 AM, Blogger Muhammad said…


  • At 4:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Yes thanks a mil to both o u 4 sharing the story.I can only imagine the grief and pain that Joan is experiencing.

    I just want to remind her that despite everythng she's been through, everything she's going through and all (and believe you me there will be many) the hurdles that she will have to overcome ;there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

    First of all , there are the ARV's.I know it's cliche but don't take then for granted.Yes there will be days when its hard to get yourself to swallow a pill or even to surround yourself with positive people, good friends , positive energy , people that are understanding not antagonising.Most of all believe in yourself.

    No one needs to know if you don't want them to.And no one will know as long as you look after yourself with extra care :eating , dressing , time management , social happiness(stay away from any1 with a bad attitude);inner and outer healthiness.

    There is soo much more.There are support groups out there,information sites , toll free numbers and if all else fails there are sites like these.Shout for help and som1 will answer your call :-).Put on boxing gloves an beat the hell out of a punching bag every now and then if it can help.Just don't let it get you down n out!

    I honestly hope that you do not give up your studies, that you go on with your life forgiving the man that gave you this disease(hating him forever will not heal the wound , neither will it let you go on with your life).To me , from the story that I read, you are already a success.Know and know well-he gave you the disease,it is yours to succumb to his attack and proclaim defeat , or to fight it with all you've got and in the end come out a person that has lived life to the fullest .

    Best of luck

  • At 3:38 AM, Anonymous Shehnaz said…


    from an email you sent, i decided to click on the link to your blog, and then reread your piece.

    i was once again reminded about the harsh realities of life, and just how ignorant it is for any of us to say "well, it wont happen to me".
    i was also wondering how your J is doing?

    and lastly...i think its time you wrote another piece...what do you think??

  • At 6:16 AM, Blogger bibi-aisha said…

    Another sad reality.wots worse is that even today,the guy gets off scot free,while the female is stigmatisd.altho in this case,the guy is in a self-made prison. Yes,pls do share how joan is copin

  • At 7:43 PM, Blogger spotlessmind-tainted said…

    Sometimes things happen which change our lives, lifes lessons are sometimes learnt painfully. Thruogh J`s pain, we all learn, through each others help we all survive, through each others courage we're given hope. J is a brave lady for sharing her story...

    A silent payer for J, and all those in a similar position - May we all find some warning in this story


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